What is this about?
One of the first things that arrived in my life as I experienced Ayahuasca was writing.
I wrote songs, poems, and short stories as a kid. Poems came for no reason, songs for a band we were dreaming to be, and stories because school asked for them.
As a teenager, I journaled my summers away because I was too cool to admit I was lonely. It was all about boys and friendships.
Four years ago, I joined an Ayahuasca retreat for 4 nights armed with pen and paper, ready to unriddle my experiences. And so I did, but the reason I started writing was the fear of not forgetting what I was understanding, as I was realizing it.
Writing also allowed certain linearity of thought, and I liked that.
Through that retreat and several months after, I didn’t stop writing.
There was so much running through my fingers and out of my system. Some would call it healing, others transformation. I thought I was writing a book.
Months later, what I thought to be something newly discovered, was not only known but also applied.
It hit hard, that one belief, that I was discovering something unknown, which was my childhood dream: Find something no one has found and then spend your life teaching it.
I was quite quick to recover from the hit and spun the reality so I could adjust to it.
Not only has someone already hit the world with what I’ve discovered, but also has given me a tool to jump into it, right away.
I mean, how awesome is that? And If both me and he found that space, does it mean is available for all, at all times? That lifted quite some heavy responsibility off my shoulders. No saviors are needed. How awesome is that?
( I’m referring to Gary Douglas and the philosophy on which he created Access Bars. Read more about it here. )
I stopped writing because:
- If everything’s already there, what’s the point? What’s unique about what I’m writing?
- If something crosses me and doesn’t stay, for me to find it whenever – It’s something meant to just cross me, and not part of my essence. I chose to believe that what’s choosing me, to be lived by me, will never cease to be there. I can always find the essence of me.
That one thing, no one has ever found, was me.
And from there on, all rippled back into my world – The way I’m wired, the way I function and see things is unique.
What’s even better – and has been what allowed me to share these very words, and the ones to follow – was the understanding of how there’s no end to this, no end to creating.
There is no end product to polish and fear of not being good enough, just endless creation.
I started writing again about what I am most familiar with. That is a space of wisdom known as Ayahuasca.
A blend of unsafety and a resistance I now know it to be: no1 law of creation – never answer needs – made me decide to ghostwrite instead of signing my work.
I felt like Clark Kent.
As I was working my way through building a sense of safety, and that includes blankets, pillows, breathing, and a forehead tattoo, I find myself today feeling safe around sharing what the space called Ayahuasca is about, from a place of no need.
The purpose of what you’ll read here is nothing more than an invitation to create, to ask yourself what is possible, to open your senses to your truth, whatever that might be.
I can assure you, there’s nothing more rewarding than your love for your creations.
And here‘s the thing – if there‘s a ¨why¨ you can answer around what you‘re creating, it‘s not creation, is a reaction.
Enough with the snake that bites its tail, here comes my real thing with no answers for ¨why´s¨.